Release blockages and vulnerabilities
Express yourself! Set your emotions, feelings and states of orgasm free. Don’t be afraid to abandon yourself. There are blazing desires, longings, nostalgias enclosed within, awaiting to be released. This is not only about orgasm, but about deepening your emotional, affective and spiritual experiences.
In its essence, sexuality is a form of personal expression. For this reason, some of the ancient texts which refer to it elaborate upon this subject as a form of art. Yet, to approach sexuality in this way, it is necessary that the erotic energy is not repressed and can circulate freely through the body.
Psycho-emotional blockages, shame, guilt and other conditioning prevent these energies from fully and harmoniously expressing themselves. You cannot taste the delights of a healthy and expansive sexuality if you still have judgements, inhibitions or shame.
De-Conditioning from shame
Shame is a societal attitude that has been imposed upon both men and women as a means of behaviour control. In the case of women, this is usually sexual shame, imposed in an effort to control their sexual energy; traditionally perceived in society, and portrayed by the media, as magical, overwhelming and even dangerous.
As a child, you were probably conditioned to have shame around your body, or certainly your genitalia, from when you began to socialise or attend school. Then guilt is often installed by parents, peers or the media around masturbation and early erotic experiences. This means that many women grow up with the ‘virgin/whore’ dichotomy (the belief that women fall into either the virginal/wife category or that of the wild whore) heavily internalised. Guilt (around their own sexual behaviours) and judgement (around others’) are commonplace from adolescence on.
When we make the fundamental realisation that we need to unlearn everything we were taught about what sex is, we realise that the erotic energy is not something dirty, shameful or dangerous that needs to be repressed or contained. It is the most colossal and powerful creative energy in the world, and is a divine, sublime gift. Particularly for women.
The G Spot Storehouse
In the case of women, an important part of their potential to express in an erotic way is located in the G spot. Once awakened and activated, the G spot opens the gates for accessing the profound aspects of erotic expression and intimacy.
Sometimes the G spot is numb, painful or otherwise blocked because of painful memories or unpleasant events from the past. Research in the field of Sexology demonstrated that some traumas can even be reactivated through experiencing a powerful G spot orgasm.
It seems that a lot of subconscious information related to a woman’s sexuality is stored here. Once it comes to the surface of the consciousness, these traumas can be more easily resolved.
Despite the fact that many women would like to have an erotically open relationship that is based on trust, in some cases these women feel terribly vulnerable; which can result in the men becoming distant or even cause them to reject a men who would like to be closer to them.
Traumatic incidents from the past can be relived through a gesture, a sensation, an image or a word. As the blockage is stored in the subconscious (as well as the physical body) it takes over rapidly, often without the woman even realising it or becoming fully aware of the process in her conscious mind.
For instance, Marina, 35, experienced childhood trauma when she was nearly raped by a neighbour at 12 years old. She now relives any direct sexual approach as a potential threat, even if she agrees to be touched and caressed and feels pleasure and excitement in the presence of her lover.
She rejects penetration, even if she would like their amorous games to be complete. Though their relationship offers a certain fulfilment and happiness, even without penetration, both of them would like to complete the picture of their erotic life.
In 1940, Wilhelm Reich, sexologist, psychologist and disciple of Freud, introduced a theory according to which there are circuits in the human body through which the energy “circulates” freely.
This energy can be blocked because of some pains and traumas of an affective nature. Emotional traumas are stored as memories on the physical level, in muscles and organs, provoking tension, pain or blockages in certain areas. This inhibits the free circulation of energy; including erotic and orgasmic energy. Reich named the creation of these muscular blockages the “shield of protection of the organism”.
Where would you expect scars of an emotional origin, the products of abuse or sexual trauma, to appear? The heart and chest is one area that can be heavily armoured. Yet the G spot, PC muscles, and the whole vaginal zone is the most common storehouse for sexual-emotional trauma that has occurred. The creation of the shield explains why some parts of the G spot are painful to touch.
How many women have, at some point, experienced being penetrated too early; before they were physically and emotionally fully open and ready to accept another being into their body?
If penetration is accepted, without being truly, consciously and fully desired, it can provoke serious confusion – because it presupposes a deep insincerity, both in terms of your body-mind realtionship, and your relationship with the masculine. This attitude can produce lesions at the level of the G spot, manifesting through the existence of some numb, painful or tensed areas.
The body is the patient
The treatment of traumatic experiences is a relatively new domain of psychotherapy, and one in constant expansion. In the present moment, there are countless publications which treat the effects produced by suffering and affective traumas on the behavioural and the mental level.
However, due to the mind-body disconnect prevalent in modern medicine and psychology, only a few of these include therapeutic methods. Psychotherapy can help bring our awareness to trauma at a mental and emotional level. Yet holistic healing and re-calibration only occurs if the effects of the traumatic experiences are treated physically; where the tension or pain is stored; the site of the original physical trauma.
Massage is the Ace up the sleeve of the Tantric toolkit for healing sexual-emotional trauma. Especially in the case of sexual traumas, G spot massage is an accessible and beneficial method for sustaining the process of emotional healing.
Easy to learn, with benefits that increase over time, through this practice the two lovers can approach their sexual problems consciously. Thus helping each other to relax, get in touch with the body and what it’s telling us, become aware of ,and release, old traumas.
Releasing tension from the G spot and healing its emotional and sexual scars is possible only if we understand the capacity of the G spot to re-open towards pleasure and exchange of energies.
We need to become aware, through theory and experience, of the capacities of this miraculous spot for pleasure, orgasm and emotional release. The phenomena of ‘squirting’ or female ejaculation, is beneficial in releasing trauma and giving the woman extended, freeing states of relaxed orgasm. Becoming aware and open in how we relate to our G spot as women also determines other transformations in our attitudes and self-acceptance.
Sexual problems are solvable!
If lovemaking is approached with patience and lots of love, then we have every chance of solving sexual problems. The first step in solving any sexual difficulty is acceptance. We are human and we all have different experiences which can and can have a lasting impact on our sexuality.
In other words, it is normal that a couple confront, at a certain point in time, a certain sexual problem. If the attitude of the two is adequate (firstly, based on tenderness and love), and they are each willing to put in the work to communicate and heal, then it can be surmounted with success.
If you feel a tension or a blockage, however small, it is good to talk about it with your lover. Explain them what would help you in opening more towards him. Tell him, honestly, what you enjoy and what triggers you.
In this way, you will succeed in asking your lover to wait until you feel truly excited. You will ask him not to hurry, you’ll help him to better understand you and what works for you, this will enable you to taste together the sensuality and delicious emotions of your amorous fusion.
You will feel the modifications which will result on the vaginal level; a relaxation, opening, restoring and increasing of sensation, greater arousal and better orgasm! And in this way, you create the premise to feel a more intense mutual desire as well as to deepen your couple relationship, more and more.
Photo credit to Ines Honfi